Test Results!

Well...I got my test results back yesterday!
It was pretty much the opposite of what I wanted to hear.
I wanted answers...I wanted to know that the loss of our 2 babies had a reason that we could fix moving forward.
But, no such luck.
All of my tests came back normal.
I did have one blood clotting test come back borderline but they don't think that that would cause a miscarriage. So I'm going to repeat that test in 12 weeks if I don't get pregnant by then.
I did ask for extra vitamins just to ease my mind as far as that goes. So they are putting me on extra B6, B12, and folic acid.
I also voiced my concern about a potential 3rd loss since we didn't find an issue with the tests. And she said that in the case of a 3rd loss, we would do tests on my eggs to see if there is an issue with them. But since that costs so much, we would probably do IVF and they would just test the embryos before they put them back in.

So the game plan is the same right now. I will start my provera next week and once I start my cycle we will go in and start a normal IUI cycle.

Thank you all for the positive thoughts and prayers!

Left Needing Answers

Alright guys! I am sorry it has taken me so long to get this post up but we have been through a very crazy past few days and it has taken a toll on us emotionally and physically.

Ok during my last post I told you guys that my numbers weren't going up like they should and they didn't think that this would be a viable pregnancy.

Well...that hasn't changed..but the reasoning behind it has changed a few times.

Before Friday, they thought that it might be a tubal pregnancy because of the way my numbers were slowly going up. But on Friday when I went in for my ultrasound, our doctor thought that it was probably in my uterus and was just an early miscarriage.

We were somewhat relieved by this because the thought of an ectopic pregnancy scared us more than an early loss because with an ectopic pregnancy, your chance of having another goes up quite a bit(roughly 30%).

I also had a lot of questions for the doctor.

One miscarriage is very normal...but a second is not.

So I wanted his opinion on why this was happening and what we would do to prevent this from happening again.

He told us that after my levels went back down to zero, we would be doing a series of blood tests to determine if I had some sort of vitamin deficiency, blood clotting disorder, or autoimmune disorder. Each of which he told me can be treated with either blood thinners or extra vitamins.

But the first step was to "pass" this pregnancy and get my numbers back down to zero.

So he gave me a prescription for Cyclotec, which I was supposed to take vaginally and pass everything within one to two days.

So Friday night i took it and nothing happened. Then I took a second dose on Saturday and again...nothing happened. No spotting...no cramping..nothing. This worried me! How can this stuff not work??

So I called the doctor and he had me come back in on Monday morning to see what was going on.

So I went in and he did another ultrasound. Thats when I asked him what would be the reason that the medicine didn't work??

He said it usually points to tubal pregnancy.

ughhhh!!!

That was the last thing I wanted to hear!!!!

But then he said something that I definitely didn't want to hear..that I would be having another D&C the next day :(

While the first one was quick and I healed great, I hate the idea of major surgery. I have had my fair share of surgery in my life and the thought of being put under, yet again, was enough to make me sick to my stomach.

But what choice did I have??

So the game plan was to have the D&C and if my hCG levels went down then the pregnancy was in my uterus...if not then it would be considered in my tube and I would have to take a low dose chemo shot in order to get rid of the pregnancy without surgery.

So yesterday I went in and had another D&C and while my doctor said this one would be easier since I wasn't as far along, it was quite the opposite! Last time I had almost no bleeding, no nausea, and no cramping...but this time I had it all. Nothing crazy but definitely not what I was thinking.

But its over and that is all that matters!

The next hurdle was to make sure that my levels dropped so that we could rule out a tubal pregnancy and hopefully move on!

So I went in this morning for my post op checkup and blood work.

They called me this afternoon and my levels had DROPPED from 109 to 42!!!! This was amazing news!!! The numbers were showing that the pregnancy wasn't in my tube and moving forward seemed less daunting!

So now I will go back Friday(and probably weekly) until my levels get back down to zero then we can do the blood work to see what is causing our multiple miscarriages and hopefully it is something we can fix easily so we can finally have a baby!!!

Thank you for all the positive thoughts and prayers!

I will keep you updated as we move forward!

Good News and Bad News

I am sorry it has taken me so long to do this post but when you read why...you might understand.

On Friday morning I took a pregnancy test like I do at the end of every cycle. Most of the time it is negative but Friday was different. It said "pregnant" on that tiny screen.

I assumed that the next time I got pregnant, I would be ecstatic! That was not the case. I was nervous and anxious and I had a bad feeling in my heart. I knew something didn't feel right. 

I wasn't spotting. I had no cramps. But for some reason I felt as if this was not going to be my take-home baby. 

Call it mother's intuition...or maybe I just know my body better than most.

But I hesitantly called my doctor's office and asked for a blood test since my pregnancy test said positive. 

I got in and immediately my nurses were lit up because I was finally pregnant again!

They asked me how I was doing and all I could say was that I was nervous and I had a bad feeling.

They took my blood and I left.

They called me that afternoon and told me that my hCG (pregnancy hormone) level was at 26.5.

This told us that I was indeed pregnant.

But they asked me to come back 3 days later to make sure that my levels doubled like they should.

So on Monday morning I went in for another blood test. I still had that bad feeling in my gut that something was wrong.

They called me that afternoon and my levels has risen to 48. Which doesn't seem bad because they went up...but they didn't double like in a healthy pregnancy.

So this morning they had me come in for yet another blood test. 

My levels rose to only 66. Not even close to doubling.

My nurse asked me to come in for an ultrasound and blood work on Friday because they think it could be a tubal pregnancy(implanted in my fallopian tube instead of my uterus).

So I have an appointment Friday morning to see what is exactly going on.

But before we got off the phone I had to ask..."do you think this will be a successful pregnancy??"

And she told me "we aren't ruling it out but no..we don't think this one is going to work."

Which brings me here. Confused. Upset. Hurt. And feeling like there is an even bigger problem than just my ovulation and getting pregnant. 

They did tell me that they will be doing a lot of blood work to see what could be causing our(now multiple) miscarriages. 

Hopefully Friday we can get some answers.

Thank you for all the positive thoughts and prayers. I wish I had some better news to give you guys. But this is where we are. 

Progesterone Check for IUI #7

Hey guys!!!

This blog post will be short and sweet!

We had our progesterone check today and just like almost every cycle before this, my levels are great!!!

My levels were >40 which is amazing :)

So now we just wait to test!!!

I'm not sure I will ever get used to this waiting game haha!

Keep up the positive thoughts and prayers!!

Hopefully this is our last IUI and we get our take home baby out of this cycle!

I will post next week on whether or not this cycle worked!

Hurry Up and Wait Facebook Page

A Different IUI

Hey guys!! Sorry I'm so late with this post!

It has been a really relaxing day and I have taken full advantage of it :)

So this morning we went in for our SEVENTH IUI!! 

I told you guys last week that the nurse that would be doing our IUI, wanted to do things a little differently this time and BOY DID SHE!

Other than the fact that she was putting cleaned sperm in my uterus..it was just different.

First off..we had 32.6 million sperm this time! That's 10 million more than last time!!!

So after the nurse came in, she said that she wanted to do an ultrasound on my uterus first. We have never had an ultrasound on IUI day so I was a little curious as to why. But what she wanted to do was measure my uterus to see exactly how far she needed to put the catheter in to get to where my tubes are.

Which turned out to be great because she found out that my uterus was shorter than the average uterus! 

She then marked the catheter the exact length of my uterus so she didn't put it in too far and irritate the top of my uterus. She said that my short uterus could be why I have a little more sperm being pushed down after the procedure. I can elaborate a little more in another post if you guys want. 

But on to the fun stuff!

The nurse then tilted the table A LOT! After that she found exactly where she needed to put the catheter and put it in the exact length of my uterus. 

Then she waited until I stopped cramping and she put the sperm exactly where it needed to be. After she did that she waited until it went into my tubes before before removing the catheter (about 5 minutes).

The normal procedure takes about 5 minutes...this took closer to 15. But she said that she was able to get almost all of the sperm into my tubes!!!! She told us that she has never done an IUI where that much of the sperm got into the tubes. (Usually you have some that comes out in everyone).

Then instead of sitting there for 15 minutes...I laid there for 20 minutes.

So if this doesn't work...we will seriously be shocked!!!!!!

So now the 2ww starts!!! We have a progesterone check on Friday so I will do my next post then unless there is something else you guys would like to see a post on :)

Thank you for all the positive thoughts and prayers!!!

Follicle Check for IUI #7

Alright guys!

Today was our follicle check for IUI #7.

I was a little confused as to why our doctor wanted us to come in a day early for our follicle check this cycle. I have always had good sized follicles on cycle day 12...

But the more I thought about it, the more I questioned whether or not bigger was better when it comes to follicles. 

If you guys remember, my follicles have been pretty big the past few cycles. I think they got up to about 28mm. And this entire time I thought that was a good thing! Now...I am not so sure.

I haven't actually talked to my doctor, but I think he might think that I have been ovulating early and that's why I haven't gotten pregnant. 

Anyway! So we went in this morning and like usual...I thought my follicles were on one side when in fact..they were on the other! I really thought that a majority of my follicles would be in my left ovary since I have been feeling that side a lot more. But when the nurse went in I had 4 follicles on my right (2 mature and 2 pretty close) then I had one in my left ovary that was mature.

So that is 3 mature now and 2 more that will be ready in a couple days!!

They called me this afternoon and said to do my HCG trigger shot tonight at 10 and we would have our IUI Saturday morning!!! We are pretty excited and hopeful that this will be our last IUI for a while :)

This is also our last chance to get pregnant before, what would be, our due date for our pregnancy in March....so pray that this works!!! I can't imagine not being pregnant on that day....

And I want to just let you guys know how amazing our nurses are!!! 

I mentioned last blog post that they are changing the way they are doing our IUI this time. The nurse that told us how she wanted to change it is now coming in on her DAY OFF just to do this new procedure for us!!! The entire staff at our doctors office goes above and beyond for us and we are eternally grateful for all that they do...including coming in on their day off just to try something new for us! I just cant describe to you all how much these people mean to us and how much they just want to see us have our take-home baby! We are blessed!

ok guys! Enough mushy stuff! I will post Saturday and let you all know how it went :)

Thank you for all the positive thoughts and prayers :)

Stressed But Grateful

Ok guys!

The past couple days have been pretty rough for us..

I started my cycle yesterday morning. 

It has completely blown our minds that the last cycle didn't work. 

I mean...how can you have 5 mature follicles, 22 million sperm, and still not get pregnant??

So we were really anxious to talk to our doctor and nurses this morning to see what they thought and to talk to them about the next step.

I really thought that we would be moved to just injections this cycle but our doctor felt that the egg quality and number was so good last cycle that he just wants to stick with the same medication plan for this cycle. 

I am completely fine with this. Our insurance doesn't cover injections other than the HCG injection so the longer we wait until we up those injections, the better.

Our doctor wasn't there this morning when I came in but he had our new plan laid out for our nurses to go over with us.

So I started off asking our nurse if there was a reason I wasn't getting pregnant. Was there something I had been doing wrong??

She said that we had been doing everything perfect, its just a chance game and the more we do it, the better our chances get.

I also asked if our doctor had mentioned IVF. 

She said he does not want to move to IVF any time soon because he feels like there is a few more things he can try before doing that. This was a huge relief for me!! As much as our chances would increase with IVF...we just cant afford it. They did say that if for some unforeseen reason we were to have to do IVF, that there are a few finance companies that will finance IVF for couples that can't afford to pay out of pocket.

But...we aren't there yet!!! We have gotten pregnant with IUI before so our doctor and nurses feel like we just need to stick to IUI for a while. 

But she did say that there was something that she wanted to try for our next IUI. 

During the actual procedure, the uterus pushes some of the sperm down whenever they remove the catheter after placing the sperm where they need to be. She said that all women have this to some extent. So she wants to try to do something different during our procedure. 

First, she wants to tilt the table up. Usually the table is flat during the procedure and then tilted after everything is done and you lie there for 15 minutes. So she wants to have the table tilted for the entire time.

And second, after she puts the catheter in and puts the sperm where they need to be, she is going to leave the catheter in for 5-10 minutes to keep the uterus from pushing the sperm down. 

Usually once they place the sperm where they need to be, they take the catheter out pretty soon after. 

So hopefully doing these things during the actual procedure will help my body get the little push it needs to get pregnant again. 

So...we will be doing 2 Femara pills cycle days 3-7 and Menopur injections cycle days 7-10. Usually I would come in on cycle day 12 for a follicle check but this time he wants me to come in on cycle day 11 for a follicle check. I think he is just worried about over stimulating my ovaries so he wants me to come in a day early and possibly not do an injection on cycle day 11 like last cycle.

So while we are pretty stressed about this whole situation not working, we are grateful that they are trying new procedures for us and they aren't just moving us on to IVF yet.


Thank you for all the thoughts and prayers! We are going to keep at this until we have our take-home baby!

Progesterone Check for IUI #6

Well, today is 1 week post IUI..so that means 2 things!

1.) We had our progesterone check this morning

and

2.) We are half way through the 2 week wait!!!!

I for one, feel like this 2ww is wayyyy longer than the others! But hopefully this next week or so will fly by!

So we went for our progesterone check this morning and I got my results back!

All she said when she left the voice mail was that it was over 40.

That is crazy!!!

Definitely the highest progesterone level I have had this far!

So we are good to go there :) No suppositories!

Now we wait to test!! 

Keep up the positive thoughts and prayers!

We need them now more than ever!!

Hopefully this is our last IUI for a while!

We are ready for our take-home baby/babies!!!

IUI #6

Ok! The suspense is over! I know you have all been hitting refresh on your laptops, desktops, tablets, and phones to hear about how our IUI went this morning. haha JUST KIDDING!

But seriously..it went great!

We had 22 million sperm this time, which is great! 

So 5 follicles and 22 million sperm..that has to push the odds in our favor, right??

Well...only at the end of this 2WW will we find out...

We have a progesterone check next Tuesday morning to make sure my levels are good, and then we wait!

So I will update you guys next Tuesday unless there is a post you guys would like to see me do in the meantime. 

Thank you again for all of the thoughts and prayers!

There are how many??!!

Good morning guys!!!

This morning we went in for our follicle check and let me tell you!..we were surprised and beyond excited for our chances this cycle!

I have been feeling some stretching in my left ovary since about cycle day 5ish but this morning I was feeling it a little more in my right ovary. So going into my appointment this morning, I figured we probably had 1 on each side..maybe 2 on my left since I have been feeling it a little more than my right. 

Well my doctor came in and started the ultrasound on my right ovary and there were 4 follicles and 3 were mature!!! Yes! 3 follicles that are ready to go on my right ovary!!! Then he  moved on to my left ovary and there were 2 follicles...and BOTH were mature!!! So we have 5 total mature follicles!

Then he wanted to talk a little bit. 

This news is great on one end because it increases our chances of a successful IUI...but on the other end, it seriously increases our chances of multiples.

So we had 2 options. We could cancel this cycle and then he would lower my dose of Menopur next cycle to maybe not get as many follicles. Or we could go through with it and just have an increased chance of multiples.

But he said (and we agreed) that since we have done so many rounds of IUI..he felt comfortable moving forward with the IUI. Our chances of twins went from about 5% to roughly 15% and our chances of triplets or quads went from about 1-2% to about 5%. 

He said that if this was our first or second IUI, he would, no doubt, cancel the cycle. But since we have been working toward this for so long, it just makes sense to stick with this cycle. 

He even said that our chances of conceiving this cycle are pretty much the same as if we were to do IVF. 

So to us, it was a no-brainer. 

We both have twins on each side of our families so it was already in our minds that we could likely have twins. So we are going for it!!!

They are giving me a call this afternoon to tell me when to take my HCG shot and when my IUI will be. But it will most likely be Tuesday!

I was going to do a vlog about all of this but I think I want to hold off on the vlogs until I can get a more portable camera so I can actually take it into my doctors appointments and you guys can get a better idea of what we are going through. Sound good?

ok!!! So I will update you guys on Tuesday and tell you our numbers and how everything went!!!

Thank you for all of the positive thoughts and prayers! Keep them coming!!!

Very first vlog!

Well...I filmed my very first vlog today!! Go check it out and tell me what you think!!!

Well, I've been here before....

Well...no good news here...

IUI #5 was unsuccessful.

I can feel my positivity slowly fading. 

We know that I CAN get pregnant...we just don't know why it hasn't happened yet.

Yesterday marked cycle day 1. 

So this morning we went in to have an ultrasound done to make sure there were no follicles left over and to talk about the game plan for the next IUI cycle. 

My ovaries were clear so we are ready to move on to the next cycle but we weren't exactly sure what the next step was as far as medication goes. 

I had an idea that he would probably add more injections...and I was right.

Instead of doing Menopur injections on cycle days 7,9, and 11, we are doing Menopur injections on cycle days 7 through 11. So 2 more injections.

And he kept the Femara the same. 2 pills cycle days 3 through 7. 

Hopefully this does the trick..waiting for our miracle baby is getting harder and harder.

Please keep the prayers and positive thoughts coming! 

We know this can work!

My follicle check is on the 5th! So keep a look out for that post!!!

Hurry Up and Wait Facebook Page

I WANT MY LEFT FOOT TO ITCH!!!: The imaginary(and not-so-imaginary) signs of pregnancy and periods.

As I close in on my 2WW, I cant help but put together a list of pregnancy(or period) symptoms that may or may not be real...

All women who have ever tried to conceive know exactly what I am talking about!!!

You have a slight stomach ache so it "HAS to be morning sickness!".

Or you smell something funky and "it has to mean you're pregnant!".

Or you Google every single thing you experience throughout the day in hopes that some other woman half way around the world was pregnant when she had the same sign as you!!!

I have stopped my Google addiction but I still analyze like crazy!

I actually convinced myself that my coffee tasted funny this morning!

There seems to be no end to the analyzing!!!!

Well, I was talking to a woman yesterday who is also dealing with infertility and we were discussing symptoms. Whenever it gets close to testing day, we always ask the other "How do you feel?". We are hoping to get some hint as to whether the other could be pregnant by new symptoms or even symptoms that are out of the ordinary. 

(So now we are analyzing OTHER women's symptoms too?? lol)

Then we talked about how nice it would be if there was some huge sign to tell us that we are pregnant!! I said "I wish my left foot would itch and that would tell me that I am pregnant"! haha

But honestly, many pregnancy symptoms are exactly like period symptoms. Breast tenderness, cramping, food aversion or cravings...these can all be linked to both pregnancy and periods. 

So when we are ttc-ing, we often try to find symptoms that are slightly different in hopes that it is a sign. 

When I was pregnant with the baby that we miscarried, the only "symptom" that was different for me was the fact that I didn't want chocolate. Usually before my period I want chocolate! Lots of chocolate! But when I was pregnant, I didn't want it. 

Unfortunately, I haven't had much of a taste for it since...so I cant use that as my "gauge" this time around. 

So what I want to know from you guys is:

What is the craziest/silliest thing that you have ever considered a pregnancy sign when you WEREN'T pregnant?

And what is the craziest/silliest thing that was actually a pregnancy sign for you? 

Hurry Up and Wait Facebook page

Progesterone Check for IUI #5

Hey guys!!

It has been 1 week since our fifth IUI! That means progesterone check!

I went in this morning for blood work and I got a call saying that my progesterone levels were at 37 :)

A good progesterone level is the first hurdle we have to make before we test for pregnancy.

My doctor likes my levels to be at least 15 since we are on a medicated cycle. So we have passed this first test!

For those who haven't been following our journey for very long or if you just aren't aware, progesterone is the hormone your body makes to maintain a pregnancy. This doesn't mean that I am pregnant, just that if I am pregnant, miscarriage due to low progesterone isn't really an issue. And if I am pregnant, I wont have to do progesterone suppositories for the first trimester. I am EXTREMELY grateful for that!! I have had to do progesterone suppositories once in the past (roughly a year ago)...and it was less than appealing.

So now we wait to test!

This is going to be a longggg wait for us!

I am so anxious to test...we are ready to be pregnant and have our take-home babies!

Keep up the prayers and positive thoughts! They are felt and greatly appreciated!

Hurry Up and Wait Facebook Page!

IUI #5

Hi guys!

Today was IUI day!

We were very anxious to go in today and get this 2ww started!

2 eggs and 21 million sperm...our odds are likely good, right??

We even have our nurse anxious to get this 2ww over with. haha

Well as she was doing the IUI, my nurse noticed that my cervical fluid was basically dry. Which makes sense since that's why we have to do the IUI instead of just timed intercourse. But she recommended that to increase our odds of conception, we get Pre-Seed. Pre-Seed is a non-spermicidal lubricant that has been shown in studies to have the least adverse effect on sperm. Which could actually help increase our chances of conception because it will basically give the sperm a "slip n slide" to the eggs. haha Too much?? 

Anyway..we are going to get that tonight. Has anyone used it?? Let me know how it worked for you!

And we have our progesterone check next Thursday..so I will update you guys when I get those results :)

Thank you for all the thoughts and prayers! They are greatly appreciated!

Hurry Up and Wait Facebook

Follicle Check for IUI #5

Good morning guys!!!

Or...whatever time you end up reading this haha

This morning I had my follicle check and let me tell you, I was less than excited.

I felt little to no stretching in either ovary over the past week and it definitely got in my head. 

Last cycle I felt a TON of stretching in my ovaries and I ended up having 2 mature follicles in my right ovary and 1 in my left. So I was almost 100% sure that I didn't have anything mature. I went in with no excitement and quite a bit of dread for the ultrasound. 

But...that's what I get for thinking and reading into signs!!! 

First she did an ultrasound of my right ovary and my heart sunk a little bit lower than before. I had about 4 to 5 small follicles...a good ways from mature. She even asked at that point if I still had Menopur injections in case I had to continue shots.

So I was prepared for a longer cycle and possibly more injections in my near future.

Then she moved to my left ovary..which I frequently refer to as my "lazy ovary". My left ovary tends to only work once in a blue moon..I kind of have a love-hate relationship with her. I have even thought of it as "broken" a few times. 

But, once again, that's what i get for thinking!!

We immediately saw 2 HUGE follicles!!!

A 26 and a 21 :)

I think I even cheered a bit when I saw it!! 

I had every bit of me thinking that I was going to have to continue injections and come back in a few days to recheck my follicles. But then old lefty decided to save the day!! 

So I will more than likely do my HCG injection tonight and then IUI Thursday morning :)

Yay!!

Hopefully this is the cycle for us!!

Thank you for all the thoughts and prayers and messages that I have been getting over on the Hurry Up and Wait Facebook page! I love hearing from you guys and hearing about your journeys too!

I will update you guys Thursday after the IUI!!! 

Update on IUI #4 and....#5

Hi guys! 

Sorry this post is so late! 

We were at a softball tournament all weekend and I forgot to bring my laptop to update the blog.

But Friday morning was CD 1 for me...

Yes, I know. I can't believe it didn't work either!! 2 mature follicles and still nothing..

So I went in Friday afternoon to do my ultrasound and blood work and to see what the next step would be.

Well the ultrasound showed that my ovaries are clear so we don't have to sit out this cycle. Which is a relief! I am not fond of the idea of sitting a cycle out. 

So on to what the next step will be... Well since the medication side of the IUI was successful, my doctor wants to keep my medications the same for one more cycle. So 5mg of Femara cycle days 3-7 and Menopur injections on days 7,9, and 11. 

And we would really love for this cycle to work...not only because we want a baby but because the next step will most likely be straight injections. And that is VERYYYY expensive!!! 

So we have a follicle check next week and hopefully we get some good news back!!

Thank you for all the thoughts and prayers! 

I will keep you all updated! 

and if you haven't already, please go "like" the Hurry Up and Wait Facebook page so you can get updates as soon as I post them!

The Goal For This Blog

Before I ever started blogging our fertility journey, I spent countless hours perusing pinterest for other women who have gone through a similar situation. 

I found many types of people struggling to conceive. Most were very depressed, as if they felt like nothing could ever be done to "fix" them. While others seemed to put on a facade of what they felt people wanted to hear from them. 

I can't relate to you.

Our struggle is 2 and a half years and counting. It is by no means "long" when it comes to the infertility community. 

But when I read these women's and men's blogs, I can't help but feel a disconnect. 

Yes, there are times when I feel depressed, but I never lose sight of the end goal...to become a Mommy!

And there are times when I would love to blog and tell you guys "the medicine isn't so bad"...but I am not going to lie to you. How would that help the woman who messages me and says "Im starting that medicine next cycle!"?

My goal in life is to become a Mommy and to give my husband a child of our own. But my goal for my blog is to encourage people going through similar situations, or even just a tough time, to look for the positives. 

Now before you throw stones at me, just know...I am not trying to belittle other bloggers. People deal with struggles differently. But I think honesty and being positive is the only way to see your infertility in a different light. 

So that is why I started my blog. I needed a way to vent and I needed a way to reach out to other women going through this and to let them know that they are not alone. 

But I need to be encouraging! And I think that comes from being honest and positive and having just a hint of humor :) 

I hope you can relate :)

Surprised Once Again!

I swear I never know what my nurses are going to tell me when they call me after I get blood work done!

And this cycle they keep surprising me with these numbers!!

This morning I went and had my progesterone levels checked, since my IUI was a week ago.

And if you guys remember from last cycle(or if you are new :)) my doctor likes my progesterone levels to be at 15 since I have medicated cycles. Well my "record high" over the past 11 cycles has been the 23 from last cycle. But apparently my body wanted to top itself and shock me with a 32 today!!! So crazy!!!

Now...this doesn't mean much as far as if this cycle has worked, but it does mean that if I am pregnant, then I don't have to do suppositories for the next few weeks!!! 

These results shocked me today! I am blown away with a 32!! Craziness!!!

Although, I seem to be a little more pessimistic this cycle. I don't know if its all the medication, or if I am just trying to have that "surprise factor" if I get a positive...I'm not sure. It really isn't like me!!

You guys know that I am typically a pretty positive person. 

Hopefully this will change as the week goes on!

Now we wait to test!! 

Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we finish out this 2 week wait!

Hopefully this cycle will give us our take-home baby/babies :)

I hope you guys have a great weekend!

oh! and don't forget to go like The Hurry Up and Wait Facebook page!

Bring on the 2ww!

Well...it's that time again! Time for the 2 week wait!
Our IUI went very well this morning! We only had 6 million sperm but since we went in for the IUI so soon in my cycle, it makes sense that it would be lower. But as long as it is above 2 million then my doctor is happy ☺
So now we wait!
We have a progesterone check on Friday and hopefully that goes well!

Thank you for all the positive thoughts and prayers! Hopefully this is the cycle that gets us our baby/babies!!

Best One Yet!

What a GREAT way to start the day!!!!

I was kind of nervous going into my follicle check this morning because this is the first time I have used Femara and Menopur. But we had great success with it!!

In order to do my trigger shot and have the IUI my doctor likes to have at least one follicle at 20. Well this morning we went in and I actually have 2 mature follicles! That has never happened!! We usually have one that is fully mature and sometimes we even have to come back a couple days later because none are quite mature enough. 

But today I had a 28 on my right ovary and a 22 on my left!!! 

Even the doctor said "Yup that's a keeper!" haha!!

So he told us that we will probably do the trigger shot tonight and the IUI Friday morning(depending on my blood work today) :)

Which is also a first for us because usually we trigger the day after the ultrasound..not the day of!

We are very excited to see how this IUI plays out!!!

I will update you guys on Friday after the IUI!!!!

Thank you for the positive thoughts and prayers!!!!!

Holy HOT FLASHES!

Throughout this 2 1/2 year journey, I have never had to use two medications at once to induce follicle production. And let me tell you! Holy HOT FLASHES! 

I thought clomid gave me bad hot flashes...nope! The combination of Femara and Menopur has caused me to have long periods of hot flashes!

I feel like a 55 year old woman going through menopause haha!! 

But on the bright side...I haven't even taken my second shot(less than 3 hours until I take it)...and I can already feel my ovaries stretching! Definitely more on my right side than my left. But I really don't care which side the egg comes from as long as it gets fertilized haha!

So you guys wish me luck tonight as I take my second Menopur injection!

I will update you Wednesday after my follicle check!

And if anyone has used Menopur before, let me know how many more mature follicles you got as opposed to only using clomid/femara. (If you don't want to comment on here, you can message me on my Facebook page Hurry Up and Wait)

I am interested to see how many we have on Wednesday!

Lots of changes...

Sorry I haven't updated you guys!

I know that usually no news is good news with this kind of thing, but not this time....

Saturday was cycle day 1....

So our last IUI didn't work.

I was SO sure that it had!!!! But Friday and Saturday I got negative pregnancy tests.

Last time when we got pregnant it took 2 IUI cycles, so hopefully this next one will get us our positive!

For more reason than one....

I went in to have my cycle day 2 ultrasound to make sure that there was no left over cysts and to make sure that my uterine lining was a good thickness and THANKFULLY it was! We were cleared to start our next IUI cycle. But Dr Vandermolen wanted to change up our medications. He wasn't happy with how many follicles were maturing each cycle and frankly...neither was I. I feel like my body gets used to the medications so quickly that they don't work as well after the first time. 

Anyway..so he wants us to add Menopur injections on cycle day 7,9, and 11. Which I was/am completely fine with! Injections, shots, blood work...needles in general, just don't bother me. 

So we took their little injections class to see just how I needed to do it and I felt confident on doing it myself. 

So the next step was to get my Femara(same dose as last time, 5mg), and to get my HCG injection for 2 days before the actual IUI, as well as my Menopur injections. 

And here came the not so good news....

My Femara was the normal price that I have been paying and my HCG injection was also the same..but unfortunately my insurance is refusing to pay for my Menopur injections because they see insemination as an "elective procedure". Can you believe that?? We have been trying to have a baby for 2 and a half years and we have gone through everything possible to have a baby without doing IUI. But in our situation...its not possible. This is the ONLY way for us to have a family of our own. And now we are being told that it's "elective". yeah....ok. 

But Wesley and I talked it over and whatever we have to do...we will do it. 

And if it works this time then it will all be worth it!!!

So we really need some prayers right now! We know that there are many other people in this world that pay way more than we do for their fertility treatments...but we were pretty blindsided with this one.

I will update you guys as soon as I can! 

I go in for my follicle check next Wednesday and hopefully I get some good news! 

Thank you all for the positive thoughts and prayers!

Progesterone level!!

I have some good news for you guys today!

I went for my progesterone check this morning and they called me this afternoon with the results!

All I needed it to be was above 15 and it ended up being 23.3!!!

I am so happy with the results!

It is the highest my levels have ever been during a medicated cycle!

Now..just because my levels are great, doesn't mean that I am pregnant..it just means that if I am pregnant then I wont have to do suppositories to keep from miscarrying. 

Now we just have to wait until next weekend to test!!!

I will update you guys when I know for sure if I am pregnant or not.

Thank you for the positive thoughts and prayers!!!

First IUI After Miscarriage

Well...yesterday was our first IUI after our miscarriage in April.

And I have to say...I feel good about it!

We had 12.1 million sperm from Wesley which, if you remember from the last IUI, is rather low. The IUI when we got pregnant, we had 47 million. However, the doctor said that the heat plays a huge factor in sperm count. But that's ok!! As long as it is above 2 million then it is considered a good number :)

But other than sperm count, everything felt very much like the cycle we got pregnant on. 

I had ovulation cramps for the rest of the day following the IUI, which is exactly how it went with the last IUI. 

I think I am psyching myself out a little bit by comparing it to the last cycle when we got pregnant...but its hard not to when everything is going, basically, the same. 

So from here we wait until Friday when I get my progesterone checked and then another week or so until I take a pregnancy test!!

Thank you for all the positive thoughts and prayers!!! Keep them coming my way! And make sure to keep all the ladies out there going through the same thing in your thoughts and prayers as well!!! 

And if you haven't already, go "like" my Facebook page "Hurry Up and Wait"!! That way you can get all of my updates as soon as I post them!

Also, share this page with anyone you know going through similar circumstances...no one should go through this thinking they are alone.

Follicle check and IUI date!

Hey Guys!!!

On Monday Wesley and I went in to have my follicles checked and got some good news and some ehh...blah news. 

Good news first!

Good news is that we had 5 total follicles! 3 in my right ovary and 2 in my left! Its nice to see them both participating this month! haha!! The biggest one I had was an 18 in my right ovary. Im not sure if you guys remember but my doctor likes them to be at least 20 before we can do IUI. 

Which brings us to the ehh..blah news. We weren't allowed to move forward with the IUI until it reached 20. So we went back this morning and it grew to 20!! We also had a 15 and the others were pretty small. So we have 1 that is ready and another that could be ready by Saturday when we do the IUI!!!!! 

YEYYYY!!!!! 

The doctor called me this afternoon and I do my HCG injection tomorrow night and the IUI will be Saturday morning :)

AHHHH!!! We are so excited! It has been a long 3 months and we are beyond grateful to be back to this stage and we are hopeful that within 1 or 2 IUIs we will be pregnant again and we will have our Take Home baby!!! :) 

Thank you guys for the positive thoughts and prayers and I will update you guys on Saturday after the IUI to let you know how it went! 

Update! Update! Update!!!

Ok..so I'm a little late on this post but with moving and doing stuff around the house and working, its been a busy week!!!
Sooooooooooo...who is ready for some good news?! I for one, LOVE good news ;)
So I started my cycle last Thursday!!! That means that Thursday was cycle day 1!
I had my initial exam and ultrasound on Saturday and they said that everything looked good to start my Femara :) ahhhh music to my ears!!!!
So I take my last 2 Femara pills tomorrow and I have my follicle check on Monday to see if my follicles are big enough to do my HCG injection and hopefully have the IUI on Wednesday-ish!!!! Ahhhhhh we are so excited and ready to get this party started!!!
Can you guys believe that its been 3 months since the miscarriage?
It has taken so long to get back to this point and we are so thrilled and ready to get pregnant again and have our take home baby!
Thank you guys for the positive thoughts and prayers!!!
I will update you guys on Monday when o have my follicle check!!!

Poppin' Progesterone!

Well...the journey begins again!!! Today I started taking progesterone to start my cycle back up(hopefully within the next 2 weeks). We are so ready to get this process going and we are so relieved to be back in this spot to where we can do IUI again! Even if it is a highly medicated journey... We are ready and willing to do whatever it takes to get pregnant again and become parents ☺

We also have some other exciting news...we bought a house!! We are packing up now and getting ready to move into our new home :) We are excited to start this new chapter in our life and are praying for more positive things to happen!!! Hopefully sooner rather than later ;)

I might even start vlogging everything! Just have to convince Wesley to let me buy a vlogging camera ;)

Thank you guys for the positive thoughts and prayers!
As always..I'll keep you posted!!!!!

Why we choose to share

So I feel like I have been a bad blogger lately!!! Im not talking with you guys like I used to. I know you guys understand but I promise to get back into the swing of things!!

With that being said, my first blog post, unrelated to what cycle day I'm on, will be about why Wesley and I chose to reveal our pregnancy so early, why we don't regret it, and why we will reveal to the world our next pregnancy as soon as we know there is a little Pav in my womb!

Ok...I feel like when women reveal they're pregnant early on in their pregnancies, they get a lot of flack (maybe not to their face). And I am going to be completely honest..I used to think women were CRAZY for revealing it so early. I mean, WHY ON EARTH would you do that and then potentially have to go through the process of having a public miscarriage?! It's hard enough as it is, why would you want the world to know?

Then I started blogging our fertility journey.

Now I get it. 

It's not about me.

It's about the life I was carrying.

I would rather blog every second of my pregnancy and miscarriage than to hide a precious life from the world. I want the whole world to know that I was pregnant and that my child exists.

I got a TON of support from my readers and I'm not sure how I would've dealt with it all without you guys!

My husband is my other half. My rock. My everything. Without him, I would probably still be sitting in bed crying. He let me know that this isn't the end. Its the beginning. We WILL get pregnant again and we will bring a baby Pav into this world and we will be amazing parents!

I love how I am usually so positive, but when I can't be, he reminds me to see the positives and to look to the future. 

But there is a special place in my heart for my readers! No matter if I know you personally, if you found our journey on Facebook, or you stumbled upon my blog on pinterest...you give me support in a different way. I cant even describe it. 

So from revealing our pregnancy and miscarriage, I gained support from people that I didn't even KNOW before. Its just awesome.

But would we do it all again? Would we shout to the world that we're pregnant and then potentially have to tell them that we miscarried again? Could we go through all this publicly again?

Yup. 

100%. This next pregnancy will be just as much as a gift as the last and we want the world to know about it. We don't do it for attention...we do it because we refuse to hide our child from the world. 

Is this right for everyone? No. Not everyone is comfortable telling people that they are on their period, let alone that they made a baby with their genitalia! ha!

But for us...it is/was right.

So thank you guys for the

Positive thoughts and prayers! 

Finally!!!!

I FINALLY have some good news!!!!!! My levels are FINALLY at ZERO!!!! So I start my progesterone in 3 weeks and then we can do another IUI! Best news I've heard in a long time!
AND Wesley and I bought a house!! We will finally move off base and into a home that fits us and our needs :)

It has been a week full of blessings :)
God has truly rewarded our patience!

Thank you for all the prayers and positive thoughts!
I will keep you updated as we approach IUI time :)

Waiting and waiting some more..

Alright.. Hopefully this is the last post I have to do like this because, honestly, I'm getting just as bored with it as you are.
But my levels today were at 7. Seriously! I don't think it could get any closer to zero than this.
Tomorrow is 4 weeks since my D&C and honestly..I had no idea it would take this long for my levels to get to zero. I'm bummed...frustrated.. and over all pissed.   And I'm allowed to be pissed. Its something I have to live with each and every day. Not only did we lose our first baby, but I now have to wait for such a long time to even get started again.
And yes...I know there is nothing I can do but wait and pray...but we are just ready to get started and finally have the family we know we were meant to have.

Sorry for such a negative post..hopefully next week I will have some better news!!!
**deep breaths and positive thoughts**

Same old story..

Today I had another check up to see if my levels had finally gone down to zero so that we could get back into IUI.
Well..they didn't. My HCG level is at 25.4 which is down quite a bit from last week but still not zero. So I have to go back next week to check them again.
I feel so defeated today. I can usually keep positive but today its really getting me down. So I ask that you pray for me to keep positive. I take so much pride in the fact that I can keep positive through almost anything but today I'm feeling a little pessimistic.
Thank you guys for keeping up with our journey and I will post again next week!!!

2 Weeks Post D&C Appointment and Update

Two weeks ago today, I had to go through something that no one should ever have to go through. I had to have my child taken from my womb too soon. 

That day will forever be implanted in my mind and I will never forget how broken I felt. 

But it was also the first step we had to take in our new path to parenthood.

With that being said..we are healing. I know the pain of losing our first child will never fully go away, but it will also no deter us from pursuing our dreams of becoming parents. As soon as we are able to start IUI again, we will. 

Yesterday we had our first post-op appointment to check things out and see how long it would take to get back into IUI. Dr Vandermolen said that surgery went extremely well, the tissue released very easily and since I don't have any spotting or cramping I didn't need to have an exam. So I got my blood drawn to check my HCG levels. As soon as they get down to zero, we can start the process of IUI 3 weeks from then (well...that's when I can start the medicine to get my cycle started). 

Anyway, I got a call from my nurse this afternoon and she sounded extremely happy! She said that my levels were dropping great and that my HCG was at 143. My levels were at 123 the day I found out I was pregnant..so they are dropping quickly. I was just hoping that they would already be at zero. But we are just anxious to get started. All the stories that I have been reading, it has taken women 8-12 weeks for them to get where I am at 2 weeks post op. So I am grateful for that. 

So the next step is to go back next Tuesday and get my levels checked again. Hopefully they will be at zero and we can start getting prepared to start IUI again!!! 

Thank you all for the prayers! It has been an extremely hard time for us but we are grateful to have so many people sending positive thoughts and prayers our way!

I will keep you updated on our journey!!!

The Worst Kind of Silence

There is no easy way to say this..so I'm just going to come out and say it. 

We lost the baby.

We are broken hearted, devastated, and over all, at a loss for words.

We worked so hard to get where we are and for it to just be gone...it hurts so deep.

We went in for an ultrasound on Thursday to check on the baby and to hear the heartbeat. It was a pretty routine visit that I had been through many times but this time we were supposed to hear the baby's heartbeat for the first time. Dr. Vandermolen started the ultrasound and you could see the baby right away...precious, little, blueberry sized light of our world! It warmed our hearts just to see it! But Dr. Vandermolen didn't say a word. He just kept moving the wand around trying to get different angles. Then he said it...the words that will haunt us for the rest of our lives. "I'm sorry, but this pregnancy just isn't viable. I'm not seeing a fetal pole or heart activity." I instantly started to cry. I couldn't hear a word he said after. I just went numb. How can we have went through all of this and the pregnancy not be viable?? I wasn't spotting or cramping...I had no signs of a miscarriage. Why did this happen to us???? 

I finally sat up and said the only  thing I could get out of my mouth. "Why and what now?" 

He told us that it wasn't our fault. We did everything exactly right. My cervix was in great shape, the placenta formed exactly like it should, but more than likely the baby was missing some chromosomes and had stopped forming. Now we will do another ultrasound on Monday to confirm and then you have the choice to do a D&C or take a pill at home.
Ugh! Why us?? Why this pregnancy?!
The days leading up to Monday were the worst days I had ever had. All I could do was cry and blame myself. Even though the doctor said it wasn't our fault...I felt as if I could have done something differently. A lot of what-ifs went through my mind. But overall...we just felt lost.
So we went back on Monday and did another ultrasound. This time we saw the fetal pole...but there was still no heart activity and the baby hadn't grown at all. It should have been 1/2 an inch and it hadn't grown at all since Thursday. It was confirmed. Our miracle baby was no longer with us. This time I was loaded with questions. Why did this happen? He said that miscarriages are actually very common. Actually, 25% of fertility challenged couples experience miscarriage. But our chances of having another miscarriage is extremely low. Less than 5% since the miscarriage wasn't due to low progesterone or a weak cervix or a malformed placenta.
Why haven't I had any signs of miscarriage? He told us that the fetus doesn't communicate with the body, the placenta does. And since the placenta was perfect, my body thought that everything was right with the pregnancy so it didn't need to start to contract.
What do we do now? He said that we can either go home and take a pill to have the miscarriage at home, approximately 90% of the time it works just fine. Or we can do a D&C where I go under anesthesia and he goes in to remove the pregnancy that way. While I do not like being put under, I didn't like my odds with taking the pill at home. So we opted for the D&C.
How long until we can try to get pregnant again? He told us that since the pregnancy was not my body's fault, we will wait 2 weeks to make sure that my uterus healed from the D&C then give my body a month to relax then we can go back to IUI. He also said that he felt confident that we could get pregnant with the first or second IUI and be able to take home a healthy baby with that pregnancy.
So we scheduled the D&C for Tuesday morning. We went in..got set up and it really hit me. This was my last hour of being pregnant with our first baby. I cant even explain how much Wesley's presence meant to me at that time. He was there for me when no one else could have been. He held my hand and assured me that everything was going to be ok. This was just a bump in the road. We will be parents. We will have a ton of babies. We just have to get through this time together and have faith in God and our doctor. Gosh I love that man!!! Even through the most trying times, we always come out stronger and closer as a couple. He truly is my soulmate and everything I want and more in a husband and father to our future children.

The surgery went well. I went home..no pain(physically). And now the healing process begins.
We will never forget how our first baby changed our entire view on life. We knew we always wanted  to be parents but this baby just assured us that its God's plan..not ours. We will have as many children as He sees fit. Whether we have to do IUI each time or adopt. As long as there is a way, we will keep having children. Our hearts have so much love to give children.

I will keep you all updated. I told you guys that I would bring you along on this journey to parenthood...this is just part of it in our story. It sucks...it hurts so deep. But we wont give up.

Thank you to everyone for the prayers and kind words. It really means a lot to us!

Week 6 update!

Hi guys! I know I told you that I wanted to do a video for this weeks update...BUT I forgot batteries for my camera :( So I'm going to do another blog post instead! And just so you know, the questions each week will be the same unless you guys want to add more questions for me! I would be happy to answer any questions y'all have for me :) Or Wesley even! I could have him answer questions. So lets get to it! Week 6!

1.) Which week are you posting about? 

Week 6 since I am 7 weeks today :)

2.) Any nausea? 

No not really. If I don't eat as soon as I get hungry then I am pretty uncomfortable..but no real nausea during week 6.

3.) Any other pregnancy symptoms?

Still pretty tired and hungry ALL OF THE TIME! 

4.) Any cravings?

No cravings this week! I eat pretty much anything I can get my hands on that isn't too unhealthy. No..I don't overeat. I eat my regular 3 meals a day but I also add a couple snacks in between. Im not worried about gaining too much weight but I want to stay healthy for both myself and the baby..before and after birth.

4.) Any food aversions?

Some cheeses still gross me out. But I can eat string cheese so I'm not sure how far this "aversion" goes. haha

5.) How are you preparing for the baby?

Still just eating as healthy as I can and drinking plenty of water :) No purchases for the baby yet BUT..my mom did buy me a pregnancy pillow and let me tell you....IT IS AMAZING!!! I definitely recommend the pregnancy pillow from bumpnest.com  . Just click on the link and it will take you to their amazing pillow! Which Wesley loves also! He's actually sleeping on it as I type this haha

6.) Anything you miss about pre-pregnancy?

Wesley and I were down in Florida this weekend and there was so much I wanted to eat that I couldn't. I love tuna and cobia but you just can't eat those large game fish while pregnant because of the high mercury levels. But I wouldn't trade this pregnancy for the world! No food is going to make me feel any different about this pregnancy. I can still eat small fish and shrimp so that is just fine with me :)

7.) Any weird dreams?

Thankfully the nightmares have subsided! I actually don't remember dreaming at all this week. Sleep has been good!

8.) Anything you are looking forward to?

We hear the baby's heartbeat for the first time this week!!! We are so excited and hopefully I remember to record it! 

9.) Thoughts about this past week?

This weekend was very nice! We went to Florida and saw some family and we were both able to get a little sun :) We also went to my Aunt's wedding and had a blast! It was a much needed getaway! 
I have learned that I don't like people touching my stomach though haha If you didn't put it here...don't touch it. 

10.) Size of the baby during this past week?

Baby Pav was the size of a pea this past week!